How to Be Cool on Twitter
Just like in middle school, on Twitter, there are the cool kids and the not cool kids. In the social media world, the cool kids are those that come up witty jokes to include in their 140 character updates. They’re the ones that wait a few hours before tweeting you back, and when they do, it’s always with a one-word response. So if you’re looking to step your twitter game up, prepare to rein in some of the emotion and up the satire. Let’s begin.
No likes a brag, even if it’s humble.
If you are not part of the 1% of Twitter users who actually have things to brag about, (ie. @fucktyler When People Say I Inspire Them To Like, Idk, Enjoy Life, That Shit Is Weird And Awkward For Me. Cool Tho.) no one wants to hear about how you copped a pair of Concords or were the first person in line at the Apple Store the day the new iPad launched. There is a reason that #firstworldproblems quickly became a tool for people to judge you. So take a breath before you take to the keyboard. You can’t have people thinking that you spaz at any joyous occasion. You try and add a bunch of exclamation points to your 120-character status, and someone will call you out on it. Adding a period to the end of your tweets will also give your words an extra hint of character
Don’t be a desperate fan.
Twitter is an amazing medium in which you can keep up with your favorite celebrities. But this newfound social media is a chance to bombard your childhood idol with twit-pics and requests for them to sing at your auntie’s wedding. If you want to try and catch the eye of your celebrity while their scanning the thousands of tweets sent to them, you have to do so subtly. Tweet something that directly opposes the famous person’s views, or make a witty joke about their latest tweet. And for your own self-esteem, leave the caps-lock button alone. Even cooler, when you tweet about a celebrity, and you don’t even tag him. Sit on that for a minute.
Be as ironic as possible. All the time.
Though the hipster is outcast in the real world, Twitter stands as a safe haven for those with the cynicism to simultaneously hate and love all that there is in the world. It is a special few that are able to tear down others while carefully curating their cool at the exact same time. A tweet from @AndFebruay: Everytime I pass through Williamsburg I just wanna roll down the windows and scream “IT’S 2012” as I ride by.” Classic cool. So remember folks, if you can add that irony to your comments, it’ll give your coolness a little more credibility.
Everyone likes things that bring takes them back to yesteryear. If you tweet things that either are actually from the past or look like they’re from the past, people will love you for it. And now with apps like Instagram, you can a nice filter that makes your fancy smartphone lens seem like our cherished disposable and polaroid cameras. But it’s not just about boosting up the contrast and saturating your shots, you’ve got to take pictures of things that people will respond to. A quick list reads: landscape shots, old video game consoles, wood, cassette tapes, and leather bound books all will garner you a retweet or two.
Take potshots at celebrities whenever you can.
Nothing is cooler than insulting someone and getting away with it. And it’s even cooler when the person that you’re insulting is an actual somebody. They can’t respond and it looks like you got away with something. With some celebrities, the task of making fun of them is sometimes too easy. @meigs retweeted @marklegget saying: So sad to hear reports that Dennis Rodman is a bankrupt, alcoholic, deadbeat dad. That guy always seemed to have his shit together. You chuckled. I chuckled. Everyone is cooler for it.